Saturday, 7 January 2017

Unlce Jehangir and Kashmir


This is Kashmir, and it is known as heaven on the earth. Very well then! Uncle Jehangir termed Kashmir so, and the world picked it up. Uncle Jehangir came with his wives, with a comfort, I mean, and called Kashmir a heaven. Well, he usually came to Kashmir in summers. And those summers used to be quite joyful and that would have prompted him to term Kashmir as heaven. I don’t think he would have said so, if he would have visited Kashmir in winters, or in the summer of 2016 or the ongoing killing spree of winter, 2017, for that matter.  

These winters, as we listen to our grandparents, are nothing in comparison to the winters of their time, not to speak of winters during the times of Uncle Jehangir. Those would have been harsher. No one dared to visit Kashmir, then.


Well, it is heaven, but not in winters. Shehanshah Jehangir should be made to roam around streets. No, not on his horse, but on foot. Then, I’d like to watch him naming Kashmir as the heaven.

He wouldn’t have. He wouldn’t have dared to call it Firdous, as they say. He would have packed his bags, assembled his numerous wives, and would have been seen marching towards Delhi. Frozen roads and icy winds would have made him realise that indeed: Hunooz Delhi Door Ast (Delhi is still far away)

His wives would have cursed him. Numerous wives (numerous aunties), numerous curses. There would have been no room to think that “This place is a heaven.”  He would have been looking to get out of this place, as soon as possible.

This is a place where you need electricity for almost everything. If there is no electricity and that too during winters, there is only 1% chance of taking even a shower and cleaning yourself up. I am yet to see any Kalle Kharaab individual, who can take a shower in the total absence of electricity.  Shehanshah Jehangir should have been brought to Kashmir in 2017, without servants, but with his numerous wives and without electricity. I’d like to see this word heaven coming out of his mouth, then. I am sure that this word would have preferred to stay indoors.

Summers used to be very joyful until 2008. This joy and merriment is now, lost in our summers. Kashmir isn’t heaven during summers, too. Had there been a Shahanshah Jehangir now, he would have called Kashmir a beautiful slaughter house. Ah! I feel bad for Uncle Jehangir, he has lost every chance to call Kashmir a heaven, even in summers! He has got nothing to give to the world now.

Summers kill and winters freeze those dead bodies. Summers spill blood and winters turn it into ice. Summers boil the blood up, and the winters boil it down. Summers bring about passion and revolution, and the winters make us crave for even a shower. Summers fill this land with slogans, and the winters choke them down (mobile phones, too needs electricity; so no sloganeering!)  Summers bring about tension and fear, and the winters, too come with fear and tension (of cold water in the morning, and ‘battery about to die’ message with a cry of my mobile phone.) Summer comes with a dream of freedom. I discuss it in the morning: “I had dream where in I saw: people from that side of tunnel were applying for visa, to visit Kashmir.”  And winters, too do come with a dream of: electricity, a warm tub of water in the morning and a mobile phone with a charge of 99% left to use. A dream: in summers and in winters too.

I am a Kashmiri with a diverse set of thoughts. I am passionate about everything. I aim high during summers and aim equally high during the winters. That’s me! Collars up! I desert everything during summers, I aim high. Then, I beg, I still aim high.

Uncle Jehangir, Kashmir used to be heaven during those days, and not today. Don’t try to visit Kashmir alone, or with your numerous wives. You may die of tear gas. Your wives may lose their eye sight, pellets may welcome them! Aren’t they more into sightseeing? Don’t let them visit downtown please! Pellets shower there frequently. Pepper gas may choke them! Beware, uncle Jehangir, beware!


So don’t visit us, till you too, will have to apply for a visa to visit Kashmir. You may call it heaven then, but now there is no room for that.

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