Showing posts with label irfan tramboo. Show all posts
Showing posts with label irfan tramboo. Show all posts

Monday, 4 June 2018

Of Saharkhan and my oddly crushing thoughts



Saharkhan was trying hard to wake people up, and there I was, already up, or may be, I didn’t quite sleep and was waiting for him to come by, start banging his drum. I sometimes thought to peep out of my window and tell him that I was up: just to make him happy.

But I never could bring myself up for that. May be, I never wanted him to be happy, or I never wanted anyone to be happy and that too at my sight—too much to ask. I was up, I was up. He was trying hard, so let him be. Why care?

Instead of peeping out of my window and say hello to him, those sounds that reverberated into the air usually brought a smile on my face. May be, he too was happy somewhere. We decided not show our happiness to each other.

Something is not letting me sleep these days. A lot has happened lately—enough to deprive one of sound good night sleep. Some things are happening around, while some happening within; dancing, achingly.

Outside: some were ready to sleep with those who had either killed their brethrens, or had tied them on their vehicles once—not like, those, who were ready to sleep with them, or had already done so several times, were not aware of the fact that they (those they were eager to sleep with) were the culprits—they knew that well, but were at the same time ready to give their fantasies a real shot and sleep with them: sleeplessly.

Picture Credits: Andrew Chui
The incident happened some weeks ago, all set to be forgotten, many might have already, but in my case, it is still there. It keeps on banging disturbingly, it keeps me awake. How could they? But then, why care?

Outside: people were being killed. Now they, as someone recently said, are fed up with the bullets and are now using their vehicles to kill whosoever might come in their way. 

The other day, I saw a picture of a young boy, under the wheels of a vehicle—such vehicles have got another type of license too—apart from the one that is mandatory for the driver to drive the vehicle—this licence is a ‘kill’ license, they all have it. Two at a time.

The long bearded guy was ‘jeeped over’ by a vehicle with two licenses. Helplessly, he was trying to get out the vehicle, but couldn’t. Those expressions on his face are still haunting me, depriving me of some good night sleep. He survived, while the other one didn’t. He too was jeeped over, mind you! Jeeped over by a vehicle with two licenses, mind you!

The Saharkhan must have been aware of both the incidents that I mentioned, but he still got up right on time. He still managed to wake people up—except me.

He tried every night and succeeded in waking some people up, but why have I failed to toss these disturbing incidents out of my mind just to get some sleep until the Saharkhan comes. Why don’t I sleep so that the Saharkhan succeeds in waking me up too, so that one more person is added to the list of those he wakes up successfully?

Instead, I stay quiet. I let him bang around his drum. I don’t peep out of the window. I smile and believe that he too has not been able to sleep. I remain up all night, but he prefers to come out on streets with his drum; waking people up.

Inside: Few abstract things. Let that story be told some other day.

Sunday, 26 July 2015

Listen To Them


In separation from you I turned to the moon, I turned to these stars. The sky is aware of tears. It has seen that unending stream of tears flowing down through my eyes. The moon has been my companion when you weren’t. This moon is so beautiful, just like your face but it listens to me patiently, unlike you. It just listens to me. This sky is the witness to my pain---the pain of separation. This sky has always embraced me to hear my voice---voice which has always carried gloom and agony with it. This sky has let me to shed my tears---tears which carried your reflection, whenever I shed them.

I have talked so much about you with the moon that it now knows you better than me. If I know the dark page of your existence so does this moon, this sky and these twinkling stars. These stars seem to be twinkling, you see them. They are telling you that we know you. They are talking by twinkling. They are telling you how I have suffered in your separation. They are telling you to feel that pain of that cruel separation. The moon is fading away just to tell you what the separation is and what it brings upon one which gets caught in it. 

Do listen to them. Do hear what they are trying to convey. Do they tell you that how much I love you? Do they? If they do, then please tell me. I want to know if they have been able to look deep into my eyes where, only you exist: your reflection. I want to know.  If they could, then why can’t you? Why not? I see you in everything. I see you everywhere: If I can why can’t you? What is hindering you?

The moon, the stars and this sky have got to tell you so many things---listen to them. Listen: they speak the language of love soaked in separation.

They speak of you.

They speak of me. 

Tuesday, 16 June 2015

The Redness


The redness of your eyes,
the brightness of your face,
that melody in your voice,
has let me build a gap.
The unending cruel gap,
which nourishes my love,
extirpates the admiration.
With you in front of me,
everything thing seems dead.
Tell me what to praise?
the dead one or the beauty like you?

I breathe you in,
I breathe you out,
you run through my veins,
you make this heart to beat.
Tell me what to admire?
the dead one or you my love?

A touch of you,
enough to make immortal,
with a touch, infusing life,
with a  touch, turns autumn into spring,
a touch worth of everything,
tell me what to crave for?
a lively touch or a dead sigh?

The redness of your eyes,
the brightness of your face,
is all the treasure I have,
the state of death or life,
does that matter,
if that redness and that,
brightness stays with me?

Death will be a life,
if you are there.
Life will be a death,
if your aren't.





Saturday, 30 May 2015

STATUE


I am trying to speak. I am trying to make these words to reach you. These words while trying to reach to their destination fall into a deep gorge in between you and me. They die by splitting into numerous unfathomable pieces. I can see the funeral of my words and I am standing here helpless---helpless to infuse life into my own words---helpless to give them a new life. But, in spite of being their God: the creator, I am failing to do so and with their funeral everything comes to an abrupt halt.

Now that I am here to write about you, I am not able to hold this pen properly. I am not able to make an image of your existence. I am no longer able to smell that fragrance of your hair---fragrance which once used to transport me to the heaven full of pleasure and delight. I am no longer able to feel that touch of your skin. I am no longer able to express that hypnotizing, mesmerizing and spellbinding effect of eyes. This deadly gorge is widening day by day and with it everything is breathing its last. Your tiptoeing no longer makes my heart to sink. The sound of your anklet no longer compels me to get up and dance. With every breath I am taking in, you are becoming a lifeless statue for me, which is not in a state to make me feel anything divine; the statue which has been carved beautifully but not having the power to turn me on. It doesn’t switches on that ‘beauty lover’ demon within me---the demon which was your slave; who danced on the sounds of your anklet. It no longer turns him on.

The beauty is lost, the passion is lost. The void is increasing. We are fading away from the scene. I am running short of paper. The pen is refusing to move on. I am your creator and here I am: destroying you; destroying you by not writing about you.

Let this void annihilate you.

Friday, 8 May 2015

YOUR FEATHERY TOUCH



This hole inside me is widening with every passing day. The darkness of this hollow is making me to become invisible. It is widening, and one day my entire existence will be annihilated by this hollowness. This hole is within me, it is eating me up with its harshness and abrasiveness and I am looking at it with a smile on my face. With a smile to hide my inability; these swollen eyes of mine are the witness to what this cruel hole is doing to me. Puffed-up, red eyes; but you can’t see that. The one who has bestowed me with this hollowness knows it very well. He knows that this hole is eating me up---destroying me. If it could have been up to me, I would have told this hole not touch my heart. Pulverize everything but done touch this heart. Don’t let your dark shadow fall upon this heart which my beloved has lightened up and this all I have. This heart once had feathery touch of my beloved and from then on it is bright---saving my existence. Destroy everything but don’t touch this heart. If you want then pull out my eyes but spare my heart. This is all I have from my beloved as he took away everything but this heart was left here. Was that deliberately done or my beloved forgot to take it away? Whatever was the reason but this is all I have. This darkness which is approaching me is all set to tear me into pieces. Scatter me everywhere. But, all I want is to spare this heart. All I want is to spare that feathery touch of my beloved---the only touch my beloved bestowed me. That touch wasn’t a physical but was something which had its effects on my heart. One day when I took out my heart, it had the imprints of my beloved. Those beautiful imprints of those fragile and minutely carved fingers; Afraid of this approaching darkness I put inside me to at least save it from this ugly darkness. But this darkness is hell bent to destroy everything. I want to cry but I am not so weak. I want to scream but who is going to listen in this world where is everyone is deaf and dumb?

I am destined to perish then let me give this heart to my beloved. It will be safe there like a pearl is in shell. I am not worried about my heart but, about those feathery imprints of my beloved on it.

Come Oh! Beloved take this heart away and let this darkness annihilate me. Let me exterminate and let you live with my heart within your heart.